If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
