I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
