i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
