I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
