Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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