you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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