just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
