There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
