I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
