I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize