Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
