you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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