Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
