come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
