i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
