I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
