So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
