I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize