Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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