Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
