this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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