he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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