they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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