it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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