We're like a lot better than the average bears
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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