i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
