apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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