sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We left the knife in your bed.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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