Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
