i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
