i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
