We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize