I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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