shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
