can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
