Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize