Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
