i just sent this text using only my big toe
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
