I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
