walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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