You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my shit smells like andre
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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