I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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