I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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