people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
