Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
