he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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