Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
