Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
