I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
