Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
love makes seman taste better
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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