How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is Oprah even human
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
