i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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