It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
