You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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