apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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