This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
