yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Of course I have a pirate flag
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
