I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You ruined the universe
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
