i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
