im about as happy as oj after his trial
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
