we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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