remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
