YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
