grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
