I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
