He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
