farters have to be the big spoon...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
