Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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