He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
3pm strippers are depressing
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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