I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize