i just had sex bonerless
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
