The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
