Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize