On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
