the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize