I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize