oh god the rape fog is back!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
