thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
