The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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