okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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