is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
