when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
