i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
