So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Everclear isn't food dammit
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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