I hate your face
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You made out with two different species that night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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