Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
