I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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