Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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