My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
