"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
nutella sex= disaster
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
