I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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