He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
