We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
