So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
