i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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