my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
