A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
