thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sext me about skeletons
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
