how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
