38 yer olds are good kisserssss
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
