I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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