If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
